Can you guess what the M-Word is? ;-D
The M-Word
Ms. Abrams (if you’re nasty) defines new meaning to the word DJing and the art of self pleasure. Women get ready discover your goodies!
OK, with your fine self! Let’s get down to the nitty gritty! This month we’re talking about self pleasure.
I just returned from my first in person visit to a book club that was reading Dare. The group, whose name I won’t mention for privacy purposes, was a gorgeous gaggle of black and Latina sisters with a Becky in the mix for good measure. As a new author, it’s customary to make oneself available to reading groups that are engaged in your work, but I have to tell you. I enjoy the dialogs so much that I plan to keep doing it no matter how many books I write. I have met with several groups by phone, but this group that I’ll call the Reading Divas won a contest on my site to have me visit. I felt right at home. It was just like the Pajama Parties I throw for my friends.
Without giving away too much, there is a scene in my novel Dare that involves a scarf and the main character Maya touching herself with jazz beats screaming. One of the Reading Divas who I’ll call Natalie was intrigued with this scene and we all got into an explicit convo about the M-word.
When I delved deeper, Natalie claimed to have never touched herself intimately except when showering. Never ever. Not alone, not with a partner, nothing!
Frankly, this was so fascinating to yours truly that I veered totally off the topic of Dare and spoke exclusively about the art of DJing, the nickname my dude who I’ll call Rich gives the female version of jerking off. Why on earth would a healthy red blooded American woman not want to know and touch her body? I was baffled.
Our convo went something like this:
Abiola: What? Why?
Natalie: I just never felt the need to?
Abiola: Why Not?
Natalie: (blushing) Um. I dunno.
Abiola: Never?!
Natalie: Never! I…
Abiola: Never ever?
Natalie: I guess… I just felt ashamed. Or maybe I’m not a sexual person.
Abiola: Mami—everybody is a sexual person. Food, sleep and sex. Your body needs all three and if you are lacking in one area, you will overcompensate in the other two. Medical fact.
Natalie’s Reading Diva sisters came forth with stories suggestions, and in one case, toys, and all I can say is, I bet I know what Natalie is doing as we speak! Ah-hem! Now, Maya in my novel touches her self through a scarf because she is ashamed of her body. Admittedly I stole this delicious scarf detail from an advice letter in Cosmo or Glamour. A scarf or any other barrier is bad enough but to feel so dirty that you don’t touch yourself at all? Egads woman, you are missing out!!
How can you teach a partner to learn your body if you don’t know your body yourself? I understand having parameters. I’m not saying that you have to buy any big, scary, ugly vibrators, unless that’s your pleasure. I personally have an aversion to the whole vibe thing although in my film Afrodite Superstar, the main character gets busy with a basket of them from Natural Counters. FYI, if vibes are your bag, Candida Royalle designed this sleek looking line of personal toys to be travel friendly and look more like old school beepers than sexual playthings.
Jocelyn Elders, the first African American surgeon general had to step down when she not only promoted the use of condoms, but suggested that if young people would just masturbate maybe they would stop spreading disease and unwanted pregnancies. Duh—sounds like great advice. Believe it or not people freaked and homegirl lost her gig. Urban legend says that she may have even started a saying, “Sex can wait, masturbate!” Love that! As any young woman with a detachable shower head can tell you, being able to bring yourself to climax is absolutely normal and quite awesome. (Especially since there is an epidemic of men missing the mark!) I was surprised to find that about.com covers masturbation techniques for men and women. I was like—who doesn’t know how to get themselves off?! But apparently, a lot of folks still believe that it’s somehow dirty or wrong to touch themselves, you know, um, down there.
People! It’s yours. God put it all there for a reason. The clitoris is the only organ on the body for strictly purposes of pleasure. And, my men friends, if it seems that I’m only dishing it with the chicks right now it’s because most of y’all are professional wankers from way back. Admit it. Chicken choking -hate that saying- is a staple of our culture and oh-so-hilarity-ensues teen and coming of age (pun intended) movies. But for the men who need more info, most of your brethren use porn – not my thing, but it’s a free country. In my opinion, healthy consenting adults can do whatever they want to do alone or with other healthy, consenting adults.
Maybe try using your imagination boys instead of blow up fantasy looking women. Here’s what Cory Silverberg, about.com’s Sex Guide has to say to men: “Just because you know how your tools work, doesn’t mean you can build the Eiffel Tower. In fact most men experience a fraction of their full erotic and orgasmic potential. Read on for tips on masturbation techniques that can help you explore all your body has to offer.” WOW! I don’t know. All I can say is, don’t be skerrred!
Wikipedia was also quite informative in this area. They outline the history of sin, vice, electroshock and fear in this area, myths of blindness, hairy palms and stunted growth. Please! How many blind hairy pygmies have you met? The wiki gods even said that some people even consider the solo Olympics to be a cardiovascular workout. Cardio? That’s a big stretch. I mean, how bionic you can be alone? Wait, don’t answer that… Here’s your homework, dear reader: A date for one. I know we all hate homework, but this assignment is deliciously easy and delectably fun: Go home and touch yourself. Whoo hoo! You have a vajaygay yes, but even better you have a clitoris with millions of nerve endings. As stated, the only purpose of this body part is to bring you pleasure. Most of us don’t even feel comfortable saying the word. Say it. Clitoris. There you go!
It turns out that May is masturbation month. Yay! I know that we’re super early but you can get a jump on it, so to speak. Get some candles and incense and set the mood just like you do for a partner. Put on something silky or whatever turns you on and then go for it! Waiting… Waiting… Waiting… Mmmmmmm. Didn’t that feel good? Now exhale already! You deserve to feel good—everywhere! I thought that we got this memo, but I am happy to be of service. Now you can show your partner what you learned in class, and the night will get even hotter.
Books, Flicks & Toys to Check out • Afrodite Superstar www.amazon.com • Natural Contours www.babeland.com • Female Masturbation – a stroke by stroke how to video by Welcomed Consensus www.amazon.com • Dare by Abiola Abrams www.amazon.com • Anything from www.babeland.com
Top 5 Songs About Masturbating • One is the Magic Number by Jill Scott • Darling Nikki by Prince • I Touch Myself by the Divynlys • She Bop by Cyndi Lauper • Tori Amos Icicle Bonus Round: A.D.I.D.A.S. by Korn
Read more on Abiola’s interactive site: www.abiolaabrams.com and email Abiola for advice at dearabiola@gmail.com – warning, email address not directly staffed by Abiola Abrams, but Abiola will get your questions. You can also hit her up at www.myspace.com/goddessfactory.
